Author: Marti Matthews

Salty Snippet, May 2021    

“Each step leads to the next in our lives.”  -Ambrose Worrall, in The Gift of Healing 

   All my life I’ve had difficulty making decisions.  I consider too many things – how will this affect others? will I be happy with this choice? what if it’s too difficult?  what if what I want isn’t what “God” wants? what will people think?  Maybe I can’t even see how to proceed towards something I want – it looks impossible.  The best book I ever found on this topic, a book that changed my life, was/is called Elegant Choices, Healing Choices, by Marsha Sinetar.

   Here is the line that helped me most:  “As we are able to stay centered on the present, as we focus ourselves in all purity and with full attention on the now moment, we can see that one thing is better than another.”   Using this as a guide, I began changing what I was saying to myself.  Instead of saying “I don’t know what to do,” I would say “I DO know what to do,” and I’d see what arises inside.  I do know what I want to do, what I feel would be the best choice, but there are factors influencing me. 

    Ms. Sinetar has a nice quote from Augustine of Hippo:  “the only difference between the happy and the unhappy is that happy persons love their own good will.  They enjoy doing what is good and what is good for them.”  As Augustine was big on the sinfulness of human nature, I’m not sure from the quote alone what he meant here; it brings up one problem in decision making: trying to impose ideals on ourselves – oughts, shoulds, etc. and calling them the good.  Ms. Sinetar’s position is that “willpower” is something we can choose to use gently, step by step, to increase our freedom in choosing.

   For me, the very notion that it is okay to seek happiness took some learning!  I was raised in a religious atmosphere which taught that suffering is good!  We demonstrate to God that we love him by courageously suffering!  Perhaps this is a kind of Puritan stoicism that says “too much happiness goes with not being serious enough, with self-indulgence.”

   Actually, suffering takes a toll on our bodies and spirits; it does not feed vitality, the impulse Mother Nature puts in us to stay alive and thrive.  Nothing in Nature tells us to choose a dangerous and difficult path for the mere sake of being noble.  Occasionally a life situation calls us to sacrifice but generally we see in Nature that the impulse inside each life is to take care of itself and thrive.

“If we are to be happy, we must first decide what we want to do with our lives, intend to make it happen, and then we must begin to work on our intention,” says Sinetar.  Sometimes we use worries, concerns for others, distracting thoughts, to keep us from seeing and doing what we want!  That is because happiness is not the same as pleasure.  Making the vital choice, going with the deep enthusiasm inside, might require the work of clearing out the garden bed so the dream of our life can grow.

   Choosing momentary pleasure, e.g. feeling good by consuming a substance to feel good, is not a choice that gives long life and ongoing vitality. True happiness is the same as enthusiasm, the Greek word for the breath of the gods inside us.  Enthusiasm gives us the energy to do even difficult acts.

   “We have the power and the responsibility to choose on our own behalf,” says Ms. Sinetar.  This is the love we look for outside ourselves!  Taking care of our life is our own first responsibility, and choosing what gives us vitality and enthusiasm blesses the life force inside us with peaceful long-lasting happiness.

Salty Snippet March 2021  

I awaken with a songline, as I often do, and to me this is one way my dreams of the night carry me forward.  Here are the lines;
No you are not

lost and alone in this world, yes you are

Guided each day.  No you are not

lost and alone in this world. Yes you are

Cherished and safe!                                       [copyr. Diccon Lee]

We don’t always feel cherished and safe, guided each day.  What reassures me is my own experience of being a mother, a parent.  I’ve never experienced anything as mysteriously strong as the concern I feel for the offspring of my body.   I know some parents fall short of this but I think even the worst parent wishes good for their offspring while not knowing how to do this, or finding their own needs too strong.  Whatever awesome Force, creative Intelligence, Life Source has brought us into existence must surely be the source of the natural parental instinct to protect and nurture life.

   I can also speak from experience on being guided each day.  The early morning time is surprisingly the best source of new approaches to the challenges I face.  The time of awakening is a special spiritual state, when we need to keep our connection to our Source and be open to newness.

   I’ve been enjoying the poetry of David Whyte; here he speaks my mind in What to remember when awakening:

“What you plan is too small for you to live.”   And later:

“To remember the other world

in this world

is to live in your true inheritance.”

The plans we make in the evening for the following day, we must be ready to scratch should the morning bring us to a different view!  We do the best we can with our rational minds to direct our lives toward what we think we should be doing.  But there often/always seems to be other forces affecting our plans. Are these other forces friends or foe?

It’s important to get ourselves to a place of confidence in the life process itself.  Here’s one negative view held by many today:  We are each captain of a little boat run by a computer motor, each all alone trying to direct our boat forward where we choose, over water, against winds and forces that may stop or hinder us from getting anywhere.  Life is a battle against Fate; Nature is an enemy. Our only tool is our good rational mind and we are quite alone in the universe.

But when our bodies and rational minds are taking sleep, long hours pass, and scientists have discovered (as “simpler” people have always observed) that while we sleep, other parts of our minds are somewhere off doing very interesting activities.  Modern science is still being born in its study of what we are doing during sleep, but if we pay attention, I know from experience we find new insights into our projects.  We find “guidance,” if we will be guided.  During our sleep, some process has taken all the ingredients of yesterday and my whole life, even considered my forward direction, and has revised the plan in a possibly better way.  Maybe even with a vision and knowledge larger than I the little boat captain could see!

   I call it “wisdom” to pay attention to guidance that comes in ways the rational mind cannot understand.  Recently I was helping my grandson study Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar, a story of Fate versus Will.  Over and over advise came to Caesar not to go to the Senate on the Ides of March.  People had dreams that warned against it, Nature was displaying lightening, earthquakes, strange events, psychic people/seers prophesied the danger – and yet he went, and went to his death.  What does it take to warn us, if the Universe itself wanted to help us?  Do we, also refuse guidance in order to stick with our rationally set, egotistically grounded goals?  Of course, Caesar and all of us must die someday, but there is the necessary death and death that seemed avoidable with available precautions.

I say that Yes, we are guided and safe, if we are willing to be guided and safe.  And as regards the guidance that may come to us in the quiet slow dawning of the day, how best to take advantage of this?  Especially for all who must arise and be functioning somewhere with others by a particular time?  Deepak Chopra says that “Waking up with an alarm clock is detrimental…The brain transitions from deep sleep in a series of waves, each one getting closer to being fully awake.”  My daughter, Anne Marie, actually has awakened for years without an alarm clock!  She goes to sleep expecting to awaken as needed and even in times of pressing deadlines has always been able to awaken slowly without an alarm.  Perhaps setting that intention as we fall asleep is a self-hypnosis that sets our mind to do as we intend. 

If any self-discipline is needed here, it is not in keeping our nose to the grindstone, ignoring guidance as it comes, but in going to bed at a regular and appropriate time, slowly, gracefully, doing soothing activities to fall into good sleep.  Then arising slowly, open to the many impressions that come in their own language as we emerge back into this world.  If we sleep with another, maybe we should discuss this and respect the space we each need to honor this natural process.  As David Whyte said eloquently “To remember the other world in this world, is to live in your true inheritance.”

Salty Snippet for February 2021

Hello dear friends!   I’m sitting here looking out my picture window at the snow coming down in “spitters,” as the Scots call small wind-driven flakes, and the little birds are scurrying about to quickly find something to eat.  I’ve written my monthly “Salty Snippets” for my website and decided to share it with some of you others who I remember lovingly.  This month I’m writing on “Interior Housecleaning”, a.k.a healing, which seems to me a good exercise for a month when we just want to lay around on the sofa.  

Interior Housecleaning

    It is my observation that February is a special month with its particular purpose.  You may be noticing (and feeling irritated with yourself) that we feel an inclination to sleep, rest, nap more in February.  Even though the longest nights have passed with December 21^st, now is when the couch calls like the siren tempting Ulysses – “Come!  Come to me!”  We have finished the deep Rehm sleep beyond remembrance and soon will awaken with March.  Now we experience the last sleep just before awakening, the sleep with strange images and stories that are easy to remember and seem to ask for our attention.

   This time of rest and laziness can be the perfect opportunity for HEALING.  Here are my suggestions for some valuable interior healing.

• Whatever you can remember of your dreams, do not judge them, just record every element you can remember.  They are a part of nature and come to us for some reason.  Welcome them and be open to their guidance.  It has been my experience that I’ve dreamt about important events two years before they happened!

 You don’t have to analyze dreams, just allow these dream images into your consciousness as natural guidance and insights from “somewhere.”  Even if they cause you fear, just welcome them as valuable and having purpose.  If you want to understand them, think of what the symbols mean to you personally; ask for further understanding from your subconscious, pay attention to insights that come during the day.

Now the Interior Housecleaning:

• As you rest, take in deep breathsand hold them; let them fill every corner of your body.  Then release.  You will find memories hiding in your body! Subjects will come up, events, emotions.  When we’ve experienced fear, anger, etc. our bodies contracted and nerves, muscles, and cells recorded these events.  They can eventually cause physical problems if they fester!  Allow wonderful air into every crack possible and then let the air out; with it is going these tensions that are memories.  Do this until you feel lighter in spirit and body.
• Practice this healthy procedure, particularly good for Americans:

Say to yourself frequently:  I have all the time in the world!  Can you feel how good this is for your heart, stomach, your lungs as they breathe more relaxed?  Can you feel that it’s the opposite of what you’ve been saying?  Your muscles now feel more ready to go then they did when you tried to drive yourself forward.  Say this constantly, as needed….

• When you’re not resting, take time to allowyour body to move freely.  Move in any way that feels good.  Don’t push.  Just let go!  This is fun, energizing, freeing, awakens imprisoned parts of our bodies.  You might remember movements you’ve done or seen in yoga, dance, swimming, physical therapy, tai chi, etc. Use music if you want. If you’re doing this right, you quickly get to where you want to do it; you don’t have to make yourself do it. Respect your age and abilities but free your body! 

• The last Interior Housecleaning:  Consciously forgive everyone and Life itself for anything you’ve experienced that felt hurtful to you.  We do this not because the other deserves it, but for our own sake. 

Here is a wonderful prayer from Theravada Buddhism that helps me:

                    Loving Kindness Meditation

   If anyone has hurt me or harmed me knowingly or unknowingly , in their thoughts, words, or actions, I freely forgive them.

   If I have hurt anyone knowingly or unknowingly in my thoughts, words, or actions, I ask their forgiveness.

May I be happy,

May I be peaceful,

May I be free.

May all those I love be happy,

May all those I love be peaceful,

May all those I love be free.

May all my enemies be happy,

May all my enemies be peaceful,

May all my enemies be free.

May all beings be happy,

May all beings be peaceful,

May all beings be free.

A New Year!  Yay!  The world turns, change comes (as it always does) and Hope awakens.  Let us each contribute to Newness in our world by opening to The New in our personal lives.

   As I try to do this, I realize that the attitude of “letting go” of what’s past, as is often recommended, does not work easily for me.  Instead, I’ve found it’s more powerful if I’m able to say, “This is finished.”

   Perhaps you’ve heard of Marie Kondo’s book The Gentle Art of Tidying. Her power word is “Joy”: she holds an item in her hand and asks, “Does it give me joy?” If it fails this test, she gets rid of it.  I find this does work, especially when I’m truly willing to be NEW.  [If I feel sentiment about the object, I either burn it or bury it in my back yard.]

   But here is more:  There’s a theory that not only do we live many lives (“reincarnations”), but we may reincarnate, so to speak, even in this same body.  We may shed our old self like a snake who crawls out of its skin many times, a new being similar to the old but the old is truly, completely, left behind.  This image helps me as I try to allow myself to be new and sort and toss through stuff that keeps my past alive.

   Here are a few thoughts I keep in my mind:

-Theevidenceof what is past should disappear.  I say, “This is finished.”

-Trying to be truly open to newness, I ask “Is this object-of-the-past a way to hide from newness?

   Newness can be scary but if we take the attitude of Alice in Wonderland and call it an adventure, then we add fun and vitality into the unknown and bizarre.  We are strong enough to interact with whatever appears, and Life will carry us forward into learnings.  Like Alice, we can choose to be bigger or smaller as needed, and we can ask questions when we can’t see a direction.

   Let us open more than a window to peek through into newness:  Let us open our DOOR and step over the threshold and BE in a new place!  Let’s allow ourselves to stand in a new place and be unfamiliar even to our self!